i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
