May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
