Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
