sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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