He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
