my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize