oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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