well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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