i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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