They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
