just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
