I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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