im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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