yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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