my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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