i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
