Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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