I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
