I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
