the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
