i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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