i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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