I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
