Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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