you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
