We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
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I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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