we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
