Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
