I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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