He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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