P.S. I can't hear my feet
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
