she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
