she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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