No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the day after is always just damage control
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize