My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
