Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
