theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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