Where did you get a picture of my penis
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
