if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
