My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
