I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
