So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
