there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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