my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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