google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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