Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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