There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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