saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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