At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
