it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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