I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
