i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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