yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
