I wish I only lived at night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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