we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
