alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
