I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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