I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
