and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
