The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
