I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize