i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
