these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.