Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.

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  (631) Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you. http://tfl.nu/pf1f
  Replies (14) Good night (1388) Bad night (718)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
  Replies (4) Good night (3479) Bad night (581)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.

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  (817): After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot. http://tfl.nu/l939
  Replies (63) Good night (887) Bad night (8388)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?

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  (727): she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no? http://tfl.nu/lc3u
  Replies (39) Good night (7045) Bad night (680)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists

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  (317): Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists http://tfl.nu/xgub
  Replies (11) Good night (3274) Bad night (807)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"

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  (216): i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey" http://tfl.nu/8m25
  Replies (29) Good night (6870) Bad night (1842)
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  (530): View more from California

  I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will

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  (530): I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will http://tfl.nu/u061
  Replies (4) Good night (3541) Bad night (839)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own

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  (519): his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own http://tfl.nu/8vl5
  Replies (11) Good night (1819) Bad night (3739)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?

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  (312): I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp? http://tfl.nu/sqhc
  Replies (20) Good night (3596) Bad night (814)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time

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  (773): You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING (1-773): Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time http://tfl.nu/yjp9
  Replies (7) Good night (2543) Bad night (667)
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  (619): View more from California

  Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"

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  (619): Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?" http://tfl.nu/fe0d
  Replies (10) Good night (2025) Bad night (649)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"

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  (309): my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school" http://tfl.nu/0p2q
  Replies (4) Good night (628) Bad night (872)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

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  (815): Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was http://tfl.nu/efhi
  Replies (3) Good night (917) Bad night (387)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long

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  (601): Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long http://tfl.nu/yjw4
  Replies (6) Good night (582) Bad night (404)
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  (323): View more from California

  She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.

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  (323): She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend. http://tfl.nu/2fjr
  Replies (2) Good night (1258) Bad night (361)

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