Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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What's dad's email?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.