god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Randomize
