Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's never too late to be topless.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue