He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.