check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.