i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
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Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..