I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
