apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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